DEVASTATED :(

by Reema on April 26, 2005

in My Poetry,Stories & Thoughts, Pregnancy

I don’t know where to start or how to begin, I started bleeding so I went straight to the hospital. After a few blood tests and an ultrasound the doctor told me that I was going through a miscarriage. I couldn’t believe what I just heard, 10 weeks and I thought everything was okay. There was no pain, it just happened, another miscarriage! My husband held my hand and we both cried, another miscarriage! I can’t believe I’m going through this again. 3 miscarriages altogether how many times do we have to keep on trying? oh God why did this happen? I did everything to make this one right, I figured since I’m 10 weeks I was doing fine because my last 2 miscarriages were at 5 weeks but I was wrong, what happened? oh my God!

update:

I went to see my GYN and during the ultrasound she showed me my baby, no movement, no heartbeat, it was just floating there. To make things worse my doctor said it never developed to 10 weeks it just stayed 7 weeks!! is this real? I wish this was a bad nightmare and I’d wake up and everything was alright. On Friday I’m scheduled for a D&C procedure, I’m afraid, depressed, and emotionally drained. I’m lucky I have a supportive loving husband, I wouldn’t know what to do without him. He kept telling me over and over again “Don’t worry baby, we could always try again” yes we will try again there is always hope. I’m scared, I don’t like hospitals.

update:

It’s late at night I’m beyond sadness and pain, this poem for you my child

The Fading Call

How many times I took this path
Yet I wonder when would this journey end
How long must I endure its wrath
With each pain I suffer to no end
With each cry a piece of my soul ascends to the heavens
I am lost
I am confused
I grew weary
And still I continue unto this path
Hoping one day I would hear the laughter of a child of my own
There at the end of my journey awaits a sweet innocent child
Calling forever,
“Come to me mother, I am waiting, come mother
hold me and sing to me, I want no other”
And I answer,
“I hear you my child, but your voice is fading away
I shall come to you like the wind and pray
that this path may show mercy upon me
For I know how treacherous it could be
I hear you my child
I hear you”
And I run and run until I stumble and fall
Yet I cannot ignore my child’s call
Shaking I stood but I fall again
But this time I felt the pain
I look around me and see a pool of crimson blood
yes, it was mine,
another memory, another shrine
As I hear my child’s fading call I hug myself and weep
“I am sorry little one, mother must stop to heal her wounds
I will come for you, a promise I shall keep”
Then I hear a whisper like the soft breeze
“Mother do not cry, please
I shall always wait, use my voice as a beacon
I know of your pain, but do not be weakened
Mother stay strong
Within your love and strength there I belong”
I close my eyes and sigh
“I hear you my child, I hear you.”

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Copyright © 1997 Ian Gilman

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Pearls April 27, 2006 at 3:51 am

I’ll pray for your little angels. But for now let’s set aside the past and only think of your little baby that’s due in the next weeks.

Reply

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